Constructive Criticism?

Matthew 7:1[ A Simple Guide for Behavior ] "Don't pick on people, jump on their failures, criticize their faults— unless, of course, you want the same treatment. That critical spirit has a way of boomeranging. It's easy to see a smudge on your neighbor's face and be oblivious to the ugly sneer on your own. Do you have the nerve to say, 'Let me wash your face for you,' when your own face is distorted by contempt? It's this whole traveling road-show mentality all over again, playing a holier-than-thou part instead of just living your part. Wipe that ugly sneer off your own face, and you might be fit to offer a washcloth to your neighbor. (The Message)

We all have it and we all battle it....that horrible critical spirit. Remember the last time you were in the middle of hearing criticism? I don't mean soft, gentle "constructive" criticism. I am talking about criticism. Didn't feel good, did it? Why?

*I am talking about criticism in close relationships, not work related criticism.

I can only speak for myself, so I will be willing to be perfectly honest. I am imagining that no one else will read this anyway! :-)

I don't like criticism because it strikes at the heart of my personality. It's a snake that hisses and strikes at the things I hold dear, the things that make me who I am. Criticism can tear down my self-confidence, trust, honesty and loyalty. Yes, I can take constructive criticism because these words are carefully chosen and crafted, spoken with a sincere heart and given in love. Those words, I can clearly see are spoken not to hurt but to encourage and help me grow.

Looking back on a recent situation, I see so clearly that criticism immediately makes me defensive. I can't seem to help it, my guard goes up quickly and will come down very slowly. When I'm defensive, I get critical and the vicious cycle begins. That constant turn of words takes so much effort to stop. It's horrible.

So, the question is....can you end a critical attack by allowing yourself to endure the pain? Interesting. God's Word and example would show us that yes, we can endure and turn the other cheek. It's just very hard to do when the arrows are raining down. To look up and say "I'm not going to get defensive, no matter how many fiery arrows I see or hear" would take more than just a strong resolve. I think, not sure, but I think the reward would be the inability to gather those same arrows to shoot back at the other person and thus, avoiding a larger battle.

Trying not to be critical is also a challenge. Looking at my actions and words, I know I can get very frustrated and what might have begun as words in love, turn quickly into "now, I don't care any more so let me just get this out". Or since dealing with family members or close friends there is a feeling "no matter what, this person will still love me" it is easier to allow harsh words to flow. It's hard to think yes, they might still love you but will they still like you? Will they trust you with their feelings? It all begins with controlling the tongue, then giving the ability to judge and administer justice to God. Very easy to say, very hard to put in practice.

The next time I encounter a critical spirit, will I be courageous enough to say nothing? Will I be strong enough not to let those words wear me down and make me feel negative about myself? Will I be able to focus on who I am in Christ?

The next time a critical spirit creeps over me, coiling around my leg, slithering up to my ear to whisper words of hurt for me to use as ammunition, will I be able to recognize this evil and stop before the words leave my lips?

Daily, the battles take place. Hourly, the struggle continues. I have to remember God is on my side and I can overcome. I have to remind myself of these words I read many years ago and I don't know who wrote it......

"Remember then the words you speak,

Can strengthen love or make it weak.

Can pierce the spirit - make it die,

Or lift it up to soar and fly."

Ephesians 6:10-12

"And that about wraps it up. God is strong, and he wants you strong. So take everything the Master has set out for you, well-made weapons of the best materials. And put them to use so you will be able to stand up to everything the Devil throws your way. This is no afternoon athletic contest that we'll walk away from and forget about in a couple of hours. This is for keeps, a life-or-death fight to the finish against the Devil and all his angels." (The Message)