Flipped Out

A friend once told me that everyone has a "Rolodex" of comments in their mind. When someone says something or makes a comment, you will always flip through that Rolodex for your response. For example, when your spouse asks, "Where are my car keys?"...you might flip past the card that holds the comment..."Am I the keeper of the keys?" Flip. Flip. Flip. "IF you would put them back where they belong you wouldn't have to keep asking this question." But you will yourself to flip to that card that says the correct response and pull it out. "I don't know but let me help you look for them."

Saying the "correct response" often occurs when I feel out of my realm of authority. When I go to the doctor's office I rarely talk back or even ask questions. There is something about walking into that building, seeing the equipment, smelling the medical smells that makes me lose all of my verbal skills, not to mention my mind. The doctor holds all the knowledge. What can I say?

I threw away my Rolodex and went over the edge of reason with my new doctor.

My first visit to the doctor's office, I expected all the usual questions and scoldings. Now, I am overweight. I know this because.....I have mirrors in my house! This is not a secret. I don't have a medical degree but I do know this fact about myself. So, I wasn't that bothered when, during this initial visit, the doctor pulls out the weight/height chart and makes some suggestions about my diet and exercise routine. Flip. Flip. Flip. I wasn't thrilled but I did pull out the correct Rolodex card and say, "Yes, I'll work on it."

The second visit to the doctor's office was set so I would find out the results of my CAT scan and other tests. The first thing on tap, my blood work. My cholesterol levels were great! My kidneys were fine. Overall, my health is good. But then the doctor dared to ease into that touchy and obvious subject once more. He started explaining about my BMI (Body Mass Index) and about my height. I could feel my defensiveness kicking into high gear! But, I listened. Like a good patient, I listened....and Flipped.

Flip. Flip. Flip.

Flip. Flip. Flip.

All of a sudden, I just raised my hand. I said, "You know what? You're not telling me anything I don't know! I know that my BMI isn't right! I can clearly see that I need to lose weight! This is not a shock to me!" Then I raised both hands, curling them like little tiger claws. I continued, "When you go on and on like this, I just get defensive! I want to scream that I have been changing how I eat and I have been working out! I want to tell you that I have lost 7 lbs. and that I'm training for a 1/2 marathon! In fact, I ran 10 miles yesterday! So, you don't have to spend any more time on my diet and exercise!"

I did refrain from asking him if he could run 10 miles. My luck, he would have said he ran 20 miles the day before.

It was like a dream, years of pent-up frustration flowing out of me and on to one poor doctor. I could hear my voice fading and feel that fake smile stuck on my face. Then, as reality begin to sink in, I focused on the doctor's face. The look could be equated to how you would look if you saw a dog start talking to you. It's not that I believe no one had ever talked to him like this, I just don't think he expected this outbursts from me!

There are days, when we all lose control over the obvious situations in our lives. If it's someone making comments about our height, lack of trivia, awkwardness in public or lack of experience, bad memory...it doesn't matter. We are already aware of our weaknesses. Now wouldn't it be fun, not to mention a great stress relief, if we could just line up all the sarcastic comments and start spouting them like a machine gun? However, we summon up all our self-control, flip through that Rolodex thinking, "This one would be great." Flip. Flip. Flip. "No, this one is even better!" Then we roll around to the appropriate comment, pull out the card, take a deep breath and then read the card.

You know what I'm talking about. Because, today at work or at home...you will start thinking.... Flip. Flip. Flip. "There's no way I could say this." Flip. Flip. Flip. Now where did I put the correct response? Flip. Flip. Flip.