Constructive Criticism?

Matthew 7:1[ A Simple Guide for Behavior ] "Don't pick on people, jump on their failures, criticize their faults— unless, of course, you want the same treatment. That critical spirit has a way of boomeranging. It's easy to see a smudge on your neighbor's face and be oblivious to the ugly sneer on your own. Do you have the nerve to say, 'Let me wash your face for you,' when your own face is distorted by contempt? It's this whole traveling road-show mentality all over again, playing a holier-than-thou part instead of just living your part. Wipe that ugly sneer off your own face, and you might be fit to offer a washcloth to your neighbor. (The Message)

We all have it and we all battle it....that horrible critical spirit. Remember the last time you were in the middle of hearing criticism? I don't mean soft, gentle "constructive" criticism. I am talking about criticism. Didn't feel good, did it? Why?

*I am talking about criticism in close relationships, not work related criticism.

I can only speak for myself, so I will be willing to be perfectly honest. I am imagining that no one else will read this anyway! :-)

I don't like criticism because it strikes at the heart of my personality. It's a snake that hisses and strikes at the things I hold dear, the things that make me who I am. Criticism can tear down my self-confidence, trust, honesty and loyalty. Yes, I can take constructive criticism because these words are carefully chosen and crafted, spoken with a sincere heart and given in love. Those words, I can clearly see are spoken not to hurt but to encourage and help me grow.

Looking back on a recent situation, I see so clearly that criticism immediately makes me defensive. I can't seem to help it, my guard goes up quickly and will come down very slowly. When I'm defensive, I get critical and the vicious cycle begins. That constant turn of words takes so much effort to stop. It's horrible.

So, the question is....can you end a critical attack by allowing yourself to endure the pain? Interesting. God's Word and example would show us that yes, we can endure and turn the other cheek. It's just very hard to do when the arrows are raining down. To look up and say "I'm not going to get defensive, no matter how many fiery arrows I see or hear" would take more than just a strong resolve. I think, not sure, but I think the reward would be the inability to gather those same arrows to shoot back at the other person and thus, avoiding a larger battle.

Trying not to be critical is also a challenge. Looking at my actions and words, I know I can get very frustrated and what might have begun as words in love, turn quickly into "now, I don't care any more so let me just get this out". Or since dealing with family members or close friends there is a feeling "no matter what, this person will still love me" it is easier to allow harsh words to flow. It's hard to think yes, they might still love you but will they still like you? Will they trust you with their feelings? It all begins with controlling the tongue, then giving the ability to judge and administer justice to God. Very easy to say, very hard to put in practice.

The next time I encounter a critical spirit, will I be courageous enough to say nothing? Will I be strong enough not to let those words wear me down and make me feel negative about myself? Will I be able to focus on who I am in Christ?

The next time a critical spirit creeps over me, coiling around my leg, slithering up to my ear to whisper words of hurt for me to use as ammunition, will I be able to recognize this evil and stop before the words leave my lips?

Daily, the battles take place. Hourly, the struggle continues. I have to remember God is on my side and I can overcome. I have to remind myself of these words I read many years ago and I don't know who wrote it......

"Remember then the words you speak,

Can strengthen love or make it weak.

Can pierce the spirit - make it die,

Or lift it up to soar and fly."

Ephesians 6:10-12

"And that about wraps it up. God is strong, and he wants you strong. So take everything the Master has set out for you, well-made weapons of the best materials. And put them to use so you will be able to stand up to everything the Devil throws your way. This is no afternoon athletic contest that we'll walk away from and forget about in a couple of hours. This is for keeps, a life-or-death fight to the finish against the Devil and all his angels." (The Message)

Encouragement

Yesterday, I planned on going for a run. I thought about it the night before and scheduled it in my mind. As the morning wore on, I began to talk myself out of going. Finally, I just said "Right, no matter how hard or painful it is to get out the door, I have to go". I got up, got dressed, got Christian in the stroller and proceeded out the door.

As I approached the wooden gate at the end of our front garden, an older gentleman who was walking by, stopped and opened the gate for me. It was such a small gesture but was so encouraging! It was as if, God was saying "I know how hard this is for you, so let show you I'm taking care of you."

I ran to my "half-way" point and when I turned around to head back, I got an extra pat on the back from God. A little Indian woman was getting off a bus. As soon as our eyes met, she started smiling at me. It's nice to see someone smile at you, especially when you live in a large city where often times you feel invisible. While passing her, she spoke to me. She said, "Keep it up! That's great exercise!"

Starting this running program has been so difficult for me. There has been such a dread in my stomach each time I think of what I have to do. These little acts of kindness were so needed. They meant so much and those people will never know how they lifted my spirits. They might not even know they were sent by God, but I know.

"But You, O LORD, are a shield about me, My glory, and the One who lifts my head. I was crying to the LORD with my voice, And He answered me from His holy mountain. Selah." Psalm 3:3-4

Weeds and Rain

When we moved into our house the front yard (garden) needed to be....well, fixed. I'm not a gardener and I certainly don't have a green thumb so I wasn't excited about getting out and tending to the garden. I felt a lot of pressure because the people a long my street have beautiful yards. I just wanted to let them know that I was going to be a good neighbor and keep things tidy.

As is typical in England, it rained the night before and as I pulled weeds God really showed me a picture of my spiritual life.

In the Bible, rain is seen two different ways....as blessings (There shall be showers of blessing....) or as hard times. (You know the song....the wise man built his house upon the rock.....and the rains came tumbling down?) I was reminded that even when hard times come....and no matter how painful, one thing happens. The rain softens the ground. When the ground is soft the weeds can be pulled out much easier.

Rain, in the form of a trial or hard time in our lives breaks our spirit. I know that sounds harsh, but it helps us. Without that brokenness we can't get the weeds out of our lives. AND weeds....no matter how horrible the rain....weeds are worse.

I was feeling so sad and lonely when we first moved in our house. I realized that even though I trusted God with this move there was still pain involved. Pain in leaving a place that I was finally thinking of as home, friends that I felt I was getting so close to, having to be without my children for a longer period of time....the list goes on and on. Then I was plopped down in a place where my husband had a couple of instant friends and I was all alone. And worse, no church I felt comfortable in. (I have one now!)

This was a place of brokenness for me. I realized how far away I really was from God. I realized that I was waiting for things like the T.V., internet and phone to fill up my time because I was in pain, sad and lonely. The things I was waiting on aren't bad things I just realized that I could use this time waiting, to get closer to God. No one can heal like God. I would like to say that time was a real mountain top experience but it was more like a ride through the valley. It was hard....but it's over. The things I learned about myself were great and I hope God was able to pull a few more weeds from my life.

The point I would like to leave is, don't wait until a huge storm enters your life to try to grow a garden or pull weeds! If there is a gentle rain, take time to stop and let God tend to you. Release the weeds.

I don't know what your weeds are. Maybe your weeds aren't very big and they might have pretty little flowers on top....but in the end....they are still just weeds and they will over take your life.

Don't be afraid.....let go and let God.