Letting Go

The soft smell of new life,

Hopes and dreams visualized in tiny eyes,

This moment of amazement

Will never occur personally again.

Releasing what could be,

Staring into excruciating reality,

The cycle of renewal

Has faded away, not to be regained.

Thoughts of finality sting,

Though many enjoy the liberation of this period,

Discharging individual moments

Gives birth to joy for the next generation.

But, if it had been clear this was the last moment,

I would have savored more.

A Typical Day

Wedding Day
This last Saturday was pretty typical in our lives and on our street. We woke up, Skip had a cup of coffee and I had a cup of tea. (I know, how British! hahaha) While I was pouring the water for my tea, I started hearing a banging noise. Skip thought it was the washing machine but that wasn't going. It had been very cold during the night so I started wondering about the pipes or the water heater. I quickly turned off the water only to find that the "banging" was now a "booming" and getting louder.

You know when you think you smell smoke, so you walk around sniffing the air, almost hyperventilating because you KNOW there's something wrong? Well, that was me walking around listening to every wall! Then I realized the noise was coming from outside. Recently, men have been working across the street, cutting down trees and also doing road work. I assumed that this was the "booming" I was hearing. I go to the front door and was so shocked!

There is an Hindu Temple across the street and down a few houses from our house. Someone was getting married! It was the neatest thing I've ever seen, while standing at the front door, in my robe with a cup of tea in my hand! There were men beating drums, leading women who were clapping, singing and shouting. They were followed by the groom dressed in white and gold clothes, riding a white horse. When they arrived at the front of the temple the procession stopped and the ladies started doing this high pitched yell....I can't write how it sounds.....but it might go something like "Ieiiiiyyyeeeee... ieeiiiiyyyyhhhh". (I know.......that was just stupid.)

The whole thing reminded me of Revelation and how Christ will come back riding a white horse. It also reminded me of the joy of the arrival of the groom in the Jewish wedding, especially in the Bible. I have no idea what it means in the Hindu culture but it really made me think about what I might be doing when Christ comes back. I just hope I'm dressed in something besides my robe and I don't mistake the whole thing for my water heater!

I would never see this on the streets of Tyler, Texas. How cool.


Oliver Twist
Just up the street from my house a couple of trees have been removed. Yes, I already said that but I wanted to repeat it just in case you didn't listen the first time. hahahaha Now, I can see the house across the street. Skip loves to look at this old house but I think it's kinda sad and depressing. Of course, in the dark cold nights of November anything will look sad and depressing....also a little bit spooky. (I know, I write a lot about that.....but it's true....these old buildings look creepy at night.)

One evening I realized why I don't like to look at the old house. I had recently watched Oliver Twist...the OLD black and white version....not the happy musical....and the house reminds me of some horrible place orphans would live. I don't see many lights on there....so I think the poor little children are put to bed early. I'm not sure, but at night I think I hear their faint sad songs. I probably should raise money for them.....I must think of a name for my foundation.

Skip tells me that if I would just walk around the corner, I would see that this building is being renovated for apartments...."flats". I just don't have the heart to walk around the corner.....plus, my story is much better. Yes, I'm ready for Abby and Ben to come home because I have too much time on my hands! AND no, I'm not on medication......hahahahahahahahaha

1975 Was A Good Year
When we moved, we didn't bring a lot of electrical appliances. The voltage is different and it would have added to the weight of our shipment. With no military community, I don't know a lot of people who are moving and trying to get rid of things! So, I get things off of FreeCycle or from the kindness of friends. What we can't get, we have decided not to buy since we won't be here for very long. So, I don't have a microwave, toaster, CD player, blender, mixer.....you know, things you really can live without.

For the longest time, I didn't have a vacuum cleaner. We do have carpet and so I took to sweeping the carpet, which doesn't work too well and when I have the time I took packing tape and pulled up lint off the carpet! I know, how sad! I should have enlisted one of those children from the spooky house across the street to come in and clean!

I sent out a request on FreeCycle for a working vacuum. A very nice lady rang me up and told me she had an older vacuum I could have. I was thrilled! She didn't tell me a lot about the vacuum and I didn't really care....it worked and it was free so that was enough for me. My friend, Tara agreed to pick it up for me and she brought it to my house.

When I saw the vacuum, Tara and I both laughed! This is a WONDERFUL 1975 gold-ish Electrolux vacuum AND IT STILL WORKS! The lady even kept the original instructions and a spare filter! Of course I'm going to keep it and use it....but some day...when I start my own museum, I know what my first piece will be!

Update On Mary Poppins
It has been determined that Mary Poppins did not accidentally step in front of the London bus. It seems that she was pushed.......by the Supernanny!!!! Police are seeking Supernanny for questioning. If you see Supernanny please do not try to approach her as she is armed!

Mary Poppins is recovering in hospital.
OREO
Life in general is slower paced for me right now and very good! I have settled in and love the area that we call home. Christian is just growing and showing so much personality. All the great stuff is from me.....his little temper is of course.....not mine at all......hahahahahahahaha With time to spend focused on Christian, I get to treasure little moments.
The first time I gave him his very own Oreo cookie to hold I didn't have to wonder if he liked it!

Easy Street (part2)

Running or walking in the winter is hard. There are no two ways about it. Sticking to a program when the sky is gray and rain is pouring down is not motivating. The weather gives me so many excuses not to fulfill the commitment that I have made. Then I realize that I did not make this commitment to myself alone, I made this commitment to God in order to honor Him and Him alone.

Starting down this path....again, has been more difficult than before. My attitude has not been in line with my goals and desires. I have learned attitude effects motivation. My attitude has effected my motivation like never before.

When I wake up and have a great attitude..."Today, I'm going to meet this goal!"...."I am going to spread joy to someone while I'm on my run"....I am motivated and succeed. When my attitude is off..."Great, it's raining...again."..."I am so tired." Then my run is harder and I have a physical feeling that I cannot complete what I have achieved before.

I have studied why things might be off. Change. Change is hard for almost anyone at almost any time. One huge difference is my surroundings. I am use to running in the country or where there is little traffic. I have enjoyed running in Texas where people wave and smile at everyone for no reason at all. I loved running on military installations where other people were running, smiling and encouraging. Running here has been a whole different experience.

Coming to the hard conclusion that my surrounding are not going to change and that people in a large city will not stop being busy, I have set my mind on changing myself. I have to change my attitude. So what if it rains? I've run in the rain before! Is it cold? I've run in the cold before as well. Push through, push through is what I have to repeat to myself.

I have prayed so hard for the willingness to change and have a positive attitude. I have prayed that God would send people to encourage me while I run. Praise God, He is faithful and true! I found that if I ran with my MP3 player and listened to familiar songs, songs I ran to for years, I have the urge to run and run longer. God has placed people in my path who have not only smiled at me but have encouraged me! Older people have been so kind. They have stated "that's great exercise" or "keep it up". My spirit is instantly lifted.

Giving something over to God is not easy. Doing something as a sacrifice to God is not easy. He requires our FIRST fruits. He requires our praise of thankfulness from the depths of our hearts. He requires our dedication and desire to not look to the left or to the right but stay on His path. He has put all of us on the path we walk. He has ordained our steps and He is in control.

The scary thing, there are other people on this path or pathways around us. I will make this very personal to me, if I stumble or fall it will effect those around me. No, everyone isn't looking at me and following me but I might become an obstacle to them. My thoughts have to be for those who are coming up behind me or those who are just slightly ahead.

I was watching an indoor cycling race. One girl bumped another rider ever so slightly, that rider bumped into another person and they both fell. The riders coming up behind them tried to avoid the wreck but some in trying to move out of the way crashed into others. The impact of the first small bump was massive. I don't want to be the cause of a wreck.

My attitude counts. My attitude effects more than myself. My attitude can point to God or not.

"I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus. Let us therefore, as many as are perfect, have this attitude; and if in anything you have a different attitude, God will reveal that also to you; however, let us keep living by that same standard to which we have attained." Philippians 3:14-16 (New American Standard)

During the past month, I have reached some short term goals and have some success. That glory belongs to God and God alone. For He has been my motivation and my driving force. Has it been easy? Absolutely not. I take comfort that the race is not over but the battle is already won, if I will pick up the victory!

"Whatever your hand finds to do, do it with all your might; for there is no activity or planning or knowledge or wisdom in Sheol where you are going. I again saw under the sun that the race is not to the swift and the battle is not to the warriors, and neither is bread to the wise nor wealth to the discerning nor favor to men of ability; for time and chance overtake them all." Ecclesiastes 9:10-12 (New American Standard)

As I continue on my personal journey, I pray that I can shine the love of God to someone else. As you continue on your personal journey I pray that you will also shine and encourage. Be the person to encourage a positive attitude. Be the one that gives life to someone who is struggling.

Let me leave you with one last thought. Want to be motivated? Change your attitude! :-)

Things I Miss, Things I Love

Since this is my first time living overseas and not having a BX or commissary to utilize, there are some things I have come to miss. Some things I just took for granted and other things I think are here I just don't know the right name! As time goes on, I'm sure that I will add to my list but here are just a few to start me out.

Things I Miss
1. Pickle Relish - yes, simple I know but I can't find any here. There are tons of different relishes but not just plain ole' pickle relish to put on a hot dog.

2. Frito's - don't eat them all the time but it's hard to have Frito Pie without the Frito's! I tried to explain what Frito's were to my friend Tara. It's hard to do with out a picture. She said they sounded gross, so I don't think I did a very good job of describing them.

3. Christian Radio - thankfully, I have Internet and cable television but it's not the same as hearing the radio anywhere you want to.

4. Regular forced air heating - my radiators take up way tooo much wall space.

5. A big trash can - where we live we don't get a big trash bin. :-( We're not allowed to have one.

6. Being able to order Pizza Hut and understand what I'm being asked. It's not just that the person on the other end doesn't speak English well, it's that they call things by different names here...so I'm never sure what I'm getting.

7. Chips-Ahoy Cookies - not that I want one to eat, I just want to look at the package. You know regular American products.

8. White eggs

9. Really yellow cheese - yes, they have yellow cheese but it's very light and isn't as strong as ours.

10. Wal-mart - just in general.

11. Thanksgiving decorations - yes, it's an American holiday but there is nothing for "Fall"! There has to be something between summer and Christmas!

12. Americanized egg rolls

13. Seeing American flags

14. Country Radio - I didn't listened to it a lot but you miss what you don't have!

15. Being able to understand almost anyone around you, at almost any time! I listened and counted 5 different languages in about 15 minutes on Saturday. (Russian, French, German, Polish and something that I don't know where the people were from.)

16. Christian book stores - I do know where one is located, just haven't been there yet.

17. My friends and family.

18. Most of all....my kids!

Things I Like About England
1. Shopping for my groceries on-line and having them delivered to my door! What a God-send!

2. The television stations you can get without cable! (Yes, you have to pay for the television license....but overall, it's worth it!)

3. Having Indian food whenever I want!

4. Children's charity shops - where I can get wonderful things and not spend a lot of money!

5. Tiny little cartons of milk! They are soooo cute!

6. Primark - in some ways...better than Wal-mart as far as clothes go!

7. The Tube - "Mind the gap".....hahahahahahahaha

8. Our church - Haven Green Baptist Church...it's a nice size and very focused on relationships with each other and God.

9. Having sooo many things delivered to your door! Ordering from the store down the street or on-line and then having same or next day delivery is great!

10. My new friends.

11. Oooo...this new thing called Street Car. You pay a membership and can use cars or vans all around the city. So, if we ever really do need a car...we don't have to worry!

12. So many things to see and do.

13. All the places to have coffee or tea!

14. Seeing other people walking around or catching a bus and not feeling weird!

15. Learning new words and meanings - always makes life interesting.

16. The things you see on the city streets - from street performers to washing machines, it's all fun!

17. The theatre - we're going to see "Spamalot" in December!

Constructive Criticism?

Matthew 7:1[ A Simple Guide for Behavior ] "Don't pick on people, jump on their failures, criticize their faults— unless, of course, you want the same treatment. That critical spirit has a way of boomeranging. It's easy to see a smudge on your neighbor's face and be oblivious to the ugly sneer on your own. Do you have the nerve to say, 'Let me wash your face for you,' when your own face is distorted by contempt? It's this whole traveling road-show mentality all over again, playing a holier-than-thou part instead of just living your part. Wipe that ugly sneer off your own face, and you might be fit to offer a washcloth to your neighbor. (The Message)

We all have it and we all battle it....that horrible critical spirit. Remember the last time you were in the middle of hearing criticism? I don't mean soft, gentle "constructive" criticism. I am talking about criticism. Didn't feel good, did it? Why?

*I am talking about criticism in close relationships, not work related criticism.

I can only speak for myself, so I will be willing to be perfectly honest. I am imagining that no one else will read this anyway! :-)

I don't like criticism because it strikes at the heart of my personality. It's a snake that hisses and strikes at the things I hold dear, the things that make me who I am. Criticism can tear down my self-confidence, trust, honesty and loyalty. Yes, I can take constructive criticism because these words are carefully chosen and crafted, spoken with a sincere heart and given in love. Those words, I can clearly see are spoken not to hurt but to encourage and help me grow.

Looking back on a recent situation, I see so clearly that criticism immediately makes me defensive. I can't seem to help it, my guard goes up quickly and will come down very slowly. When I'm defensive, I get critical and the vicious cycle begins. That constant turn of words takes so much effort to stop. It's horrible.

So, the question is....can you end a critical attack by allowing yourself to endure the pain? Interesting. God's Word and example would show us that yes, we can endure and turn the other cheek. It's just very hard to do when the arrows are raining down. To look up and say "I'm not going to get defensive, no matter how many fiery arrows I see or hear" would take more than just a strong resolve. I think, not sure, but I think the reward would be the inability to gather those same arrows to shoot back at the other person and thus, avoiding a larger battle.

Trying not to be critical is also a challenge. Looking at my actions and words, I know I can get very frustrated and what might have begun as words in love, turn quickly into "now, I don't care any more so let me just get this out". Or since dealing with family members or close friends there is a feeling "no matter what, this person will still love me" it is easier to allow harsh words to flow. It's hard to think yes, they might still love you but will they still like you? Will they trust you with their feelings? It all begins with controlling the tongue, then giving the ability to judge and administer justice to God. Very easy to say, very hard to put in practice.

The next time I encounter a critical spirit, will I be courageous enough to say nothing? Will I be strong enough not to let those words wear me down and make me feel negative about myself? Will I be able to focus on who I am in Christ?

The next time a critical spirit creeps over me, coiling around my leg, slithering up to my ear to whisper words of hurt for me to use as ammunition, will I be able to recognize this evil and stop before the words leave my lips?

Daily, the battles take place. Hourly, the struggle continues. I have to remember God is on my side and I can overcome. I have to remind myself of these words I read many years ago and I don't know who wrote it......

"Remember then the words you speak,

Can strengthen love or make it weak.

Can pierce the spirit - make it die,

Or lift it up to soar and fly."

Ephesians 6:10-12

"And that about wraps it up. God is strong, and he wants you strong. So take everything the Master has set out for you, well-made weapons of the best materials. And put them to use so you will be able to stand up to everything the Devil throws your way. This is no afternoon athletic contest that we'll walk away from and forget about in a couple of hours. This is for keeps, a life-or-death fight to the finish against the Devil and all his angels." (The Message)

The Story Of Jacob

It seems like just yesterday I was planning for my first baby. I was overjoyed. After so many miscarriages, God sent me a word. God told me that I would have a son and this son would be a mighty man of God, like Jacob in the Bible. Like Jacob, this son would wrestle with God and I would call him Jacob.

I didn't want to be disappointed. I so didn't want to trust God. I only told one other person about this word from God. Then I waited.

No sonogram would give up the secret of what this baby would be.....so I didn't know.

You were a true surprise.

You came a month early and there were complications. I was told I needed an emergency C-section. I have never been so scared in all my life. Part of me, didn't want to give birth to you because I wanted everything to be o.k. I wanted everything to stay the same, just as it was....with you beside me. But you wanted to get on with life, so you were born. When the doctor said, "It's a boy." The thought ran through my head...."I know."

There was never a discussion of what your name would be.

You are Jacob.

The nursing staff kept pushing me for a middle name. I didn't know they were rushing because they didn't expect you to live. I kept asking for you to be brought to me but no one would. No one would tell me why I couldn't hold you or feed you.

I remember the first time I saw you. You were so small and helpless. It was overwhelming.

When the doctor's decided to medivac you to Wilford Hall in San Antonio, I was calm. I was o.k. until we started running past other people in the hall and they looked at you with such sadness. Your lifeless body with tubes and wires going everywhere, a machine breathing for you.

God plans everything for a reason. This little word about you before you were born gave me peace and hope. I knew, that I knew, that I knew you would survive. I don't know why I trusted and believed. I had nothing else but God. As I watched you wrestle with God, I prayed that you would be changed to live a life for Christ.

My son, my dear sweet son, every year on your birthday I have told you the story "of you". This year, as you turn 18, will be the first year I will not be by your side. I will not have the honor of planning your party or beating your friends at air hockey....(hahahaha). This year, you need to get on with life and I have never been so scared. I have to let you go and trust God. Many other parents before me have faced this same situation. But you are my first. You know how I feel about you. But, just in case you forgot...I'll tell you again.

Jacob, you are a mighty man of God. You have such wisdom. I admire your strength and convictions. I love you with all my heart. I am so, so proud of you! You mean so much to me and your family. There is a huge hole in my heart because I don't get to see your face every day. But, there is such pleasure in knowing you are a Godly man. I know, that I know, that I know God holds you in the palm of His hand. He is by your side even though I can't walk with you. So, thank you son. Thank you for being part of my life. Thank you for being my son. Now, to your shock, a larger part of the world knows how much I love you.

There is a song that I have not been able to hear since you left in June. Today, I listened to it and cried. I cry because I miss you. I cry because I'm proud of you. I cry because I'm a silly mom.

Mom And Dad by Jason Upton

Mom and Dad take a look at me
On my bike riding both hands free
And I'm all right...It's a good night
Bigger now then I've ever been
Training wheels got no need for them
Mom I'm growing - Dad I've got to get going

We are not the same -Everyday
We are changing
Another season fades
But that's ok - cause we are changing- anyway

Mom and Dad look who's holdin' me
Someone I get to love and dream with
on cold nights through the hard times
Sending out to the great unknown
How to sit on their perfect home
Mom we won't fight - Dad the winds right

We are not the same -Everyday
We are changing
Another season fades
But that's ok - cause we are changing anyway

Mom and Dad the kids sure grow fast
the more they grow up the more I ask
What am I doing? I hope it doesn't ruin 'em
Ways are worth more then costly gems
I'm diggin' up my past to remember them
Mom I love you - Dad there's nobody like you

We are not the same -Every day
We are changing
Another season fades
But that's ok - cause we are changing anyway

Another generation comes along and says,
Mom and Dad take a look at me
On my bike riding both hands free
And I'm all right...It's a good night

Fastest Growing Industry

One of the world's fastest growing industries, involves over 2.4 million people. This industry is the buying and selling of men, women and children of all nations. I have become more aware of the spread of this problem and am sharing this with you to help get the word out.

* TRAFFICKING IS…to be taken against your will, bought, sold and transported into slavery for sexual exploitation, sweat shops, child brides, circuses, sacrificial worship, forced begging, sale of human organs, farm labour, domestic servitude.

* TRAFFICKING IS…where family members and friends deceive parents to release their children or sell them for as little as $20 each, selling them on to local gangmasters or serious organised international trafficking rings.

* TRAFFICKING IS…growing. 2–4 MILLION men, women and children are trafficked across borders and within their own country every year. More than one person is trafficked across borders EVERY MINUTE, which is equivalent to five jumbo jets every day. a trade that earns twice as much worldwide revenue as Coca Cola.

* TRAFFICKING IS…where victims usually suffer repeated physical abuse, fear, torture and threats to families to break their spirits and turn them into saleable commodities. a person can be sold and trafficked many times.

To find out more or how you can help, go to....
http://www.stopthetraffik.org/

People That I Meet

Walking everywhere has given me the opportunity to encounter local characters. When I don't see them at their usual stations I miss them. When I do see them, I feel like everything is right with the world. Strange how little things make a place seem like "home".

One thing I have noticed about this area, people seem to talk to themselves a lot! No, they aren't on a cell phone, they are truly talking to themselves. I saw one such man today. Going to a doctor's appointment, I passed a man that was having a rather heated conversation with himself. He was speaking in a low, muttering voice and had a very serious look on his face. I really had to double check that he wasn't on a phone. Interesting. I thought, maybe it's just me....maybe I am the only person who runs across these people. However, I was with a group of friends and someone else brought this up. I started laughing because it's just nice to know that I'm not imagining this.

On warm days, there is an older lady who sits by herself outside a coffee shop. She is the kind of person I want to be. She wears some of the neatest outfits. The first time I saw her, she was wearing a bright pink hat with flowers, a pink blouse, purple-ish skirt and pink rain boots. She tends to wear bright pink....but occasionally changes to purple. The coolest thing she wore....pink rain boots with purple dots! No, it wasn't raining....and there was not a cloud in the sky.

By far, the greatest person I've gotten accustom to seeing is "Thieves Man". This man is tall and always wears a faded green army jacket. His hair reminds me of Kramer on Seinfeld.

The first time I saw "Thieves Man", Christian and I were waiting for Skip outside a shop. It was a bright Sunday afternoon and I was just looking around, watching people. I see this man..."TM" walking and talking with an older gentleman. The older gentleman walked with a cane and just shuffled along. He didn't really look like he was listening to or even with "TM". "Thieves Man" was talking rather loudly and barely watching where he was going. As they approached me, I could hear "TM" saying...."There are thieves about! Thieves!!!! AND they are talking my money. There are thieves about!!!!" He kept saying this over and over. I thought, o.k.....don't look directly into his eyes and you'll be safe.

I began looking in a shop window trying to keep one eye on "TM" but trying to look away. Then "it" happened.

I looked up and "TM" was looking directly at me. Our eyes met......

Suddenly, "TM" became MORE excited and began to rant, "There are thieves about!!!! There are thieves and they have children!!! There are thieves about and they have children and they are stealing from me!!!!"

I have never been so freaked out in my life.

Thieves Man went on about his way and when Skip came out I suggested we avoid going in the same general direction.

I have seen "TM" on other occasions and no, he still doesn't appear to be in my range of what I would call "normal". But, he seems to have friends...or maybe he just sits with people. I have seen him pacing back and forth at a bus stop. Yes, I was going to catch the bus at this same bus stop...but decided to keep walking.

Before I end this, I want to make something very clear......I know that Christian gets into things BUT neither Christian OR I have stolen anything from Thieves Man!!!!! hahahahahahaha

Encouragement

Yesterday, I planned on going for a run. I thought about it the night before and scheduled it in my mind. As the morning wore on, I began to talk myself out of going. Finally, I just said "Right, no matter how hard or painful it is to get out the door, I have to go". I got up, got dressed, got Christian in the stroller and proceeded out the door.

As I approached the wooden gate at the end of our front garden, an older gentleman who was walking by, stopped and opened the gate for me. It was such a small gesture but was so encouraging! It was as if, God was saying "I know how hard this is for you, so let show you I'm taking care of you."

I ran to my "half-way" point and when I turned around to head back, I got an extra pat on the back from God. A little Indian woman was getting off a bus. As soon as our eyes met, she started smiling at me. It's nice to see someone smile at you, especially when you live in a large city where often times you feel invisible. While passing her, she spoke to me. She said, "Keep it up! That's great exercise!"

Starting this running program has been so difficult for me. There has been such a dread in my stomach each time I think of what I have to do. These little acts of kindness were so needed. They meant so much and those people will never know how they lifted my spirits. They might not even know they were sent by God, but I know.

"But You, O LORD, are a shield about me, My glory, and the One who lifts my head. I was crying to the LORD with my voice, And He answered me from His holy mountain. Selah." Psalm 3:3-4

Easy Street? (part 1)

"Stick with me, friends. Keep track of those you see running this same course, headed for this same goal. There are many out there taking other paths, choosing other goals, and trying to get you to go along with them. I've warned you of them many times; sadly, I'm having to do it again. All they want is easy street. They hate Christ's Cross. But easy street is a dead-end street. Those who live there make their bellies their gods; belches are their praise; all they can think of is their appetites." Philippians 3:17 (The Message)

I am sharing my journey towards commitment with you. I know many people start out wanting a deeper relationship with God or being physically fit in order to honor Him. Then somewhere along the way, they get discouraged or lost and they stop. I don't have all the answers. I don't have all the inspiration in the world but I will run with you.

I only began making a serious lifestyle change when I was 33 years old. Before then, I was truly under the impression some people were born to be athletes and I was not one of them. My road to healthy living started slowly. As I gained abilities, my confidence grew and I sat specific goals to reach each week.

When I was young, running was something I only did if I was in danger but at the age of 35 I aspired to become a runner. Setting goals was extremely important for me. Each objective kept me motivated and the experience fresh. A new desire meant a new plan to see to fruition. Nothing came about unless I planned, got off the couch and worked hard.

On my 40th birthday, I reached my ultimate goal. I ran 26.2 miles by myself. I did not run in a proper marathon. There were no other runners, music or crowds of on-lookers. Very few people knew of my intention. I can honestly say this was the hardest thing I've ever acheived. It was only by the grace of God that I finished. Mentally, the discouragement I threw at myself was the biggest obstacle I had to overcome.

Several months later, I completed the Army 10 Miler in Germany. It was a much different experience. There were other runners, family and friends. I ran beside a woman from Houston and we encouraged each other every step of the way. We paced ourselves. Even though we were some of the last people during the first few miles, we didn't get discouraged. We knew a secret. We knew that there were many more miles to go and we wanted to finish strong.

Now I find myself in a completely different situation. After having a baby and moving, I felt in my heart I had lost my inspiration. My motivation disappeared. Just the thought of physical activity brought out the struggle between my mind and body. I was frustrated. Recently, I made the commitment to begin running seriously again.

The first thing I discovered, the mind does not forget what it has done but the body does. I remember being able to run for miles and now, mentally, I think I can. However, my body tells me a different story. It's the same old battle between the spirit and the flesh. "Keep watching and praying that you may not enter into temptation; the spirit is willing, but the flesh is weak." Matthew 26:41 (New American Standard) When I looked back longingly to my past, it almost pained me. I was able to accomplish so much and now, it was discouraging.

Begining
God's Word is so motivating! "Finally, brethren, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is of good repute, if there is any excellence and if anything worthy of praise, dwell on these things." Philippians 4:8 (New American Standard) I began by dwelling on the acheivements the Lord allowed me to attain in a positive manner. If the Lord allowed me to build up a strong endurance in the past, He can certainly do it again! I also went back over one basic of physical fitness....start slow!

The Christian walk is like being physically fit. It's just not easy. There are highs and lows. There are times of great fitness and other times when maintaining is a struggle. There are times of great closeness and times of feeling far away.

Maybe, you are on the same path. Maybe, you are struggling to start a fitness program. Maybe, you are finding it difficult to have a relationship with God. Whatever you are going through, focus on the positive steps you have taken. Focus on the acheivements and not the disappointments. Write down the great things God has allowed you to reach! Then ask yourself the question I ask myself each day.

Am I satisfied where I am or will I be brave enough to move beyond this point?
(To Be Continued)

Climbing The Stairway To Pain

Every Day
Our house here in London is lovely. It was built in the 1920's and has 3 floors. The house has been expanded and updated in many ways. However, there are two things we would change, if we could. First, we would put a toilet downstairs. Second, there wouldn't be as many stairs!

When we moan about the 32 stairs to our bedroom, most people say something like "it's a great way to get exercise" or "be thankful you can still climb stairs". Now, both statements are true; however, most people forget that something begins to happen to the brain when you are in your mid-40's. Memory, or rather the lack of memory, begins to be a nuisance!

I do not know how many times I climbed those 32 stairs just to get to the bedroom and discover I have no clue why I'm there! At first, I would go ahead and walk all the way downstairs then I finally wised up. Now, I just stay in the bedroom until I can think of why I'm there. If it weren't for the baby needing other things, there are days I would be a prisoner in my room!

Stairs Vs. Escalator
I'm impatient.....there, I've admitted it. Isn't that the first step? So, why....oh, why do I get bad ideas in my head....know they are bad ideas but still do them? Let me see...."I do not know why I do the things I do. I do not do what I want to do. But I do the things I hate." (Romans 7:15) Yep, that sums it up!

I went to meet Skip at work and after eating supper we took the tube to catch the train home. At one of the tube stations, there was a long line of people waiting to get on the escalator. Now, there are stairs but no one was walking up. I got a bit impatient and decided to just take the stairs.

Let me take a moment here to explain how I travel with the baby. When I go into the middle of London I carry Christian in a baby backpack. Yes, on my back. I've gotten use to the added weight and I actually find it easier than lifting a stroller. Not all the tube stations have elevators and not all people are kind enough to help me when I'm on my own.

So, there I am with Christian on my back and I decided to be bold and just take the stairs! I begin climbing and it's not too bad. I mean, there are only 3 flights...right? I arrive at the first landing and I'm feeling the burn in my legs. I get half way up the second flight and now I'm ready to scream for help. But, I'm still in my right mind so I don't.

My pace is getting a little slower and I also start realizing that people are watching me. I then over hear some man talking with a friend. The conversation went something like this..."she's walking up the stairs"....(the friend says something I can't understand)....."look, she's walking and she has a backpack".....(the friend says something else I can't understand)....."she's walking up the stairs and she has a baby on her back!" Now, I feel the pressure to complete what I have started!

I'm so vain! I realize that I'm walking about the same pace as the escalator is traveling. Well, I can't let people SEE that I'm dying! So, I pick up my pace a little and try not to look like I'm gasping for breath! I hit the middle of the final flight and I'm acting like the Little Engine that could....."I think I can, I think I can, I think I can".

Reaching the top was like placing a flag on the summit of Mount Everest! I was so proud that I had finished! I just hoped that a slight breeze didn't come along and push me over. My legs felt like rubber and they were screaming with pain! I don't know how many steps I climbed. If I would have counted, I think I would have been prepared to just sit down and wait for the rescue people. I thought.....that was the dumbest thing I have ever done! Until...........

Do Not Use Unless There Is An Emergency
Traveling to the theatre to see BloodBrothers, I came across a tube station that was so deep underground there was an elevator for everyone going up to use. Not having traveled through this station before I also saw the group gathered waiting FOR the elevator. Then I spotted the door marked "stairs".

I thought about taking the stairs but decided against it. As I waited for the next elevator, the crowd began to swell. Seems everyone wanted to go somewhere and they all decided to pass through this place. So, I listened to the evil call of the stairs and went through the door.

As I entered the stairwell, I saw a sign that said "139 steps". I have 32 steps in my house! How bad could 139 be, right?

Other people decided not to wait on the elevator and suddenly a stream of people entered. So, of course....I wasn't going to turn around! I'm no chicken! I mean, if women in 4 inch heels can go up 139 stairs, I think I stand a good chance of finishing!

Sometimes, it's just not good to listen to the little voice in your head.

I walked up a couple flights of this spiral tower and I'm going slowly, pacing myself. I'm trying not to count each step. Then I hear the most encouraging thing in the world. A man's voice comes over the intercom. "Caution, there are 139 stairs. Please do NOT use the stairs. Only use the stairs in case of an emergency. 139 stairs is equivalent to a 15 story building. Please do not use the stairs." On average, a person is photographed 300 times in London. There are CCTV cameras everywhere. So, this warning is probably coming from a live person who, for some strange reason thinks that there will be no survivors on this journey. Not encouraging. I continue to climb and this man continues to usher his warning. Now, I'm taking this personally! Who does he think he's talking to??? I don't quit!

I'm watching the young lady with 3 inch high heels in front of me. I feel better about myself because she has to stop and rest. I take a moment to stop and encourage her. O.K...I'm resting because I'm tired.

Getting close to the top, this poor woman is ready for her boyfriend to carry her the rest of the way. I keep going and when I see light at the end of the tunnel, I have one final act of bravery. I turn, walk back down 10 steps to let this lady know she's almost at the end! During the middle of me saying something like "We're almost there! You can do it!" I hear some poor woman further down the stairs screaming....."help me!!!! help me!!!!!" It wasn't like a "someone is killing me" scream......it was a "I've listened to that little man over the intercom too long and have given up" scream.

There are times in battle when a solider will summon his last ounce of strength and go back for a fallen comrade. There also moments when that fallen buddy looks at his friend and says dramatically...."go, go....save yourself".

As I took that last step up on that glorious day, I listened to the screaming lady. Her "help me, help me" began to sound more and more like "save yourself". So, I plucked up the courage to save myself and leave.

Didn't I say I had already committed my final act of bravery?

(I know, I'm a horrible person. I just wanted my legs to stop hurting. Don't think less of me.)

Weeds and Rain

When we moved into our house the front yard (garden) needed to be....well, fixed. I'm not a gardener and I certainly don't have a green thumb so I wasn't excited about getting out and tending to the garden. I felt a lot of pressure because the people a long my street have beautiful yards. I just wanted to let them know that I was going to be a good neighbor and keep things tidy.

As is typical in England, it rained the night before and as I pulled weeds God really showed me a picture of my spiritual life.

In the Bible, rain is seen two different ways....as blessings (There shall be showers of blessing....) or as hard times. (You know the song....the wise man built his house upon the rock.....and the rains came tumbling down?) I was reminded that even when hard times come....and no matter how painful, one thing happens. The rain softens the ground. When the ground is soft the weeds can be pulled out much easier.

Rain, in the form of a trial or hard time in our lives breaks our spirit. I know that sounds harsh, but it helps us. Without that brokenness we can't get the weeds out of our lives. AND weeds....no matter how horrible the rain....weeds are worse.

I was feeling so sad and lonely when we first moved in our house. I realized that even though I trusted God with this move there was still pain involved. Pain in leaving a place that I was finally thinking of as home, friends that I felt I was getting so close to, having to be without my children for a longer period of time....the list goes on and on. Then I was plopped down in a place where my husband had a couple of instant friends and I was all alone. And worse, no church I felt comfortable in. (I have one now!)

This was a place of brokenness for me. I realized how far away I really was from God. I realized that I was waiting for things like the T.V., internet and phone to fill up my time because I was in pain, sad and lonely. The things I was waiting on aren't bad things I just realized that I could use this time waiting, to get closer to God. No one can heal like God. I would like to say that time was a real mountain top experience but it was more like a ride through the valley. It was hard....but it's over. The things I learned about myself were great and I hope God was able to pull a few more weeds from my life.

The point I would like to leave is, don't wait until a huge storm enters your life to try to grow a garden or pull weeds! If there is a gentle rain, take time to stop and let God tend to you. Release the weeds.

I don't know what your weeds are. Maybe your weeds aren't very big and they might have pretty little flowers on top....but in the end....they are still just weeds and they will over take your life.

Don't be afraid.....let go and let God.

Literally 2 Minutes and Other Observations

Timing
It's been almost 3 months since I've driven a car and there have only been a few times I've really missed it. Most of those times come when I'm running for the bus only to watch it drive away. Thinking that it might be "8-10 minutes" (as the sign says) before the next bus comes, drives me insane. I have the dilemma of walking or waiting. See, here's the debate....if I walk....I might miss another bus that might be running a bit early, then I'd kick myself. But, if I wait....I could end up waiting for 20 minutes like I did one time! AAARRRRRGGGGG!!! I know, the world is in crisis with the credit situation and this is the prime example of turmoil in my life! Sad, isn't it?

Literally 2 Minutes
Since I walk, take the bus, train or tube....I ask for directions many times. When we first arrived in London, I would ask for directions and discovered people's answers were always the same! I would hear...."It's literally 2 minutes from here".........................20 minutes later, I began to question how people were arriving at this time frame.

I thought, am I just THAT slow? Does everyone else run? Does time stand still while people zip to their next location? Is London really that small and I'm looking at some optical illusion on the map??? OR is it just an English persons way of making fun of me, since I AM American????

You know, when you hear how close you are to something it gives you great hope! I mean, look you've almost reached your goal! You can follow instructions! But then, when you walk around the corner only to find nothing there but a big empty lot or something completely different, you start to think you don't really know or understand the meaning of "literally"!

Then one day, I discovered I wasn't crazy. (No, don't laugh.....I really am not crazy.) I was speaking with one of Skip's co-workers who is from Italy. I almost cried with relief when Frankie said that he too had been given directions like..."it's literally around the corner"...."it's literally 2 minutes away"....."it's literally right across the street". He explained how he copes. He said when someone says some place is literally 2 minutes away he thinks it's going to be at least 10 minutes away. I thought this was a great idea. Now, I don't feel like I'm in a horror film, running down a never ending hallway!

I think I know why people make this statement. It's just a great way to not have to claim responsibility. If I say, the cup of coffee is literally in the next room....well, I didn't say WHICH room or exactly WHERE! See? Then if you can't find it....I'm not responsible! So, now I use this all the time!
Examples:
"Lisa, how far away are you?"...."Literally 2 minutes away!"
"Lisa, when will you be finished with this e-mail?"....."In literally 2 minutes!"

The Heart Of Denmark
We made a trip to Denmark to visit Skip's mother and grandmother. We had a very nice visit and I got to meet almost all of Skip's extended Danish family. Our visit wasn't very long, just 4 days but it was enough to give me a good feel for the country and the family!

The interesting part of visiting any country is getting to taste the food. Skip was so excited to have some of his favorite dishes and he explained some of them to me. Now, I'm not a big "experimenter" when it comes to foods....especially sea food. I'm sure many people will disagree but somethings just don't sound or look "tasty".

I was brave though. I had several kinds of small sandwiches. One with pickled herring and one with cod roe spread. The pickled herring (or whatever it was) wasn't bad. I wouldn't pick it for lunch every day but it was o.k. The cod, well, it smelled like tuna. So, I thought I will probably like this! Uh, do you know how cat food smells? Well, it sort of tasted like cat food....o.k....how I imagine cat food might taste. That thought stayed in my head and well I tried but just couldn't finish this tiny sandwich.

Now, the last day we were in Denmark was my greatest challenging meal! We had Skip's favorite meal......heart. Let me say that again......heart. I couldn't look at it while it was being prepared. I knew if I did there would be no way I could even try to take a bite. Skip's mom, her boyfriend Jens and Skip explained that heart tasted like liver but not as strong. (No, I still wasn't excited.) I told myself that I would have to focus....like I was on Fear Factor....and tell myself I could eat this and smile! My mom would be so proud!

When the roasted heart came out of the oven I was lucky enough to be right there in the kitchen. Skip's mom said not to think of it as a heart but as any other piece of meat. About that time, Jens picked up a small piece of heart, walked over to me and stuffed it in my mouth! Yes, I was shocked!

Everyone was looking at me. Everyone was waiting for some reaction. So, I chewed, nodded my head, smiled and said "interesting" and "it's not that bad". Yes, the whole time I was thinking....I'm eating a heart....I'm eating a heart. aaarrrgggg!!!!

Denmark is a lovely country. The people are friendly and warm. I can't wait to go back for another visit. Oh, they have great bread....which I ate a lot of....because I didn't want to starve. And I lost 5 pounds in 4 days. hahahahahahahahahahahahaha