Friends

Sometimes, we have no idea just what someone means to us until we have to let them go. Recently there has been a lot of death and loss of those people...who are always in my mind but I don't speak to every day. You know, those people that you could have called out of the blue....and took up like you've been talking everyday. For the most part, they are the people that I spoke to in some weird crisis in my life. In short, I feel like I've lost a couple of pillars that have held me up over the years.

I know there is a season for everything....Ecclesiastes 3:1-8 says, "There is an appointed time for everything. And there is a time for every event under heaven-- A time to give birth and a time to die; A time to plant and a time to uproot what is planted. A time to kill and a time to heal; A time to tear down and a time to build up. A time to weep and a time to laugh; A time to mourn and a time to dance. A time to throw stones and a time to gather stones; A time to embrace and a time to shun embracing. A time to search and a time to give up as lost; A time to keep and a time to throw away. A time to tear apart and a time to sew together; A time to be silent and a time to speak. A time to love and a time to hate; A time for war and a time for peace." But that doesn't mean the time change is easy.

Losing a friendship, losing a person from our lives is the most painful thing that occurs. Knowing that you will never again hear their voice or see their smile is painful. Knowing that when there is a problem....you can only imagine what the advice would be. The witt that matched yours....the silly humor....gone. At times, I wish someone would have just ripped out my heart. That would have created less pain.

I think the biggest hurt is the unspoken.

Did you know that I really cared about you? Did you know that I didn't mean everything I said or did that might have hurt you? Did you know that I begged your forgiveness? Did you know how much I loved you and how much your friendship meant...means to me? Did you know that your salvation and peace with God meant so much to me? Did you know that I prayed for you? Did you know all the times I had conversations in my head with you? Did you know you meant something to my life?

God puts people in our lives to love us and to support us. I mourn the loss of love and support. I mourn the loss of friendship. I mourn because right now....as I stare into the future...there is no one to fill the void. I know a brighter day is coming....but I will always miss..........you.

*Side note - the "love" I speak of...is that between best friends....the bond of sisterhood/brotherhood that comes from years of traveling on the journey of life.*